Future Talk Show Host Gifts

Why Kids Don't Host Talk Shows

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

Night Life: L.A.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Trappist talk show.

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Progressive Media Outlets and The Right.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."