Future Talk-show Star Gifts

'The reason your mom wears combat boots - and I talk about this in my book...'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Night Life: L.A.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Jerry Springer

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."

'Our guest today is. . . er. . . a Corporation. . .'

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

"Your case has been turned down by Oprah, but we're appealing to Sally Jessy Raphael."

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

'Larry, did you feel THAT? Your career just peaked! And on MY show! Isn't that fantastic?'

Sally Jessy Raphael

The Great Larrynx

'Actually, I haven't written it yet, I'm doing the promotional tour first, to see if being an author is the right career move for me!'