Show Host Wannabe Gifts

'Our guest today is. . . er. . . a Corporation. . .'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Fishermen

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Larry King

Dr. Phil takes it home.

Obama: The Other White Meat

Men discussing a book on a chat show