Talk Radio Host Gifts

Bill O'Reilly

"People usually see the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast or something' but..."

Randi Rhodes

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Non Thought For The Day.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Obama: The Other White Meat

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"