Radio Talk Show Host Gifts

Ask Sadie. Sadie: With bodies like ours, how do we measure for new Belly Putter????? - Jim; RPV, CA. *Actual reader question. This question is just as excellent as the previous sixteen times you sent it over the last 5 months, Jim … And I'd like to reward your tenacity by finally – at long last – answering it … But it seems we're out of time today. Is Sadie short for sadistic?

Ask Sadie. FWD: Sadie – With bodies like ours, how do we measure for a new Belly Putter????? - Jim; RPV, CA. *Actual reader letter. Ordinarily, if someone sent me the same question 17 times about a sport that didn't involve Eli Manning's buttocks, it'd be clobbering time. Ordinarily? Is something out of the ordinary going on? Good point.

"Would you people please stop saying you're 'Moving to Canada'!"

Wait Here. Employment Office. My belief that if you can't say something nice about a person you shouldn't say anything at all spelled doom for my career as a radio talk show host.

George Noory

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Non Thought For The Day.

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Larry King

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Obama: The Other White Meat

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.