Radio Hosting Gifts

Joe Franklin

"Still having trouble getting guests I see."

"On today's Ask Sadie Show with Sadie Cohen, we discuss one topic: the month of August. Everyone knows the month of August is named after Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar. What many don't realize, though, is Augustus was only a figurehead. The true power behind the throne was wielded by his mistress, Sadius Cohenus XVII. This explains why the month is so oppressive and unbearable." "Shhh... She might hear you."

Moments later, everyone would think Khrushchev was a kook.

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'

"No-one's noticed the difference yet. . !"

Showbiz Awards

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Pre-Television Man Caves

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Non Thought For The Day.

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Sports Radio in Crisis