Future Ivy Leaguer Gifts

'The teacher gave me a 'B' for coloring outside the lines. At this rate, I'll never get into Harvard!'

"I want to leave my body to Harvard. It's the only way I'll ever get in."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

"Oh, it's a grand day for Harvard!"

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

Ernie, I hear you're an amateur botanist who believes some plants are baseball fans. Yes, ivy plants root for the Chicago Cubs and dream of being in Wrigley Field themselves on day. King Ferns are fans of the Kansas City Royals. Cattails follow the Detroit Tigers. And Redwood trees are huge supporters of their local team in San Francisco. That makes sense. Giants love the Giants! Redwood trees are the team's biggest fans!

Yale shadow

"When I left Princeton, I spent a summer briefcasing in Europe."

"Why, it's Daphne—home from Foxcroft."

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."

"Papi, will I be the first in our family to go to college?"

Boy holding football.

Yale,Yale,Yale,Yale,Kale

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"

Harvard Waiting List

2 Guys from Harvard - Attorney-at-Law

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in T.V. commercials!'

"We pigeons are proof in you can make it in NYC, you can make it anywhere."

'...But my stupid parents said no!!'

"I'm going to Princeton!"

'I think we've found your problem. It's a Yale lock, but you have a Harvard key.'

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.