Fur Connoisseur Gifts

Mrs Sutherland and her American Hairless Terrier.

"Foster failure"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"I think it's unfair to call her a "crazy cat-lady": She just loves all 63 of us..."

Living with a cataholic.

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

A stripe of stockbrokers

Christopher Nolan has made some great films, but there is an Inception!

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

The Pooperrazzi

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

Faux Poop!

A relevant sign for the shopkeeper's predicament.

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

'How does this one feel?'

'I can't work out why I keep getting these blinding headaches!'

Well, we fancied a bit of herbal!

When Cows Discovered Mowers

"I can't hear you. Are you playing with the dog again?"

"I lick my fur and then rub against their legs. They think I'm being affectionate, but I'm actually just wiping cat spit on them."

"I see you're really adapting to the corporate jungle."

"The meaning of life is cats."

"That's the main problem with your rear wheel drive model!"

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

"I'm afraid I've gotten dog hair all over you."

"Get out of that chair! Frank and Bernice will be here in an hour and I really don't want to spend half of that time cleaning cat hair off the furniture."

'Maybe if you make it smaller, put something soft on the end and come up with a better name than 'Cue-Tip'...'

"CSI Tulsa"

"Five ball in the corner pocket." "Me in the side pocket!"