Funniest Home Detective Gifts

Ed, Private Eye: 'Specializing in missing socks & TV remotes.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

CartoonStock Upload

"You rang?"

'He died of too much money.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"I bought this awesome wonder bra."

'It's a dump, but it's a steal at this price.'

"Okay, I get the message."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."