Funeral Attendees Gifts

'This is no time for 'knock knock' jokes!'

'You'll never guess where I'm calling from!'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Four Chanting Monks

Curate talking to miners

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

"And a source said let there be light."

"Maybe if we hold her under longer."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Not just Sundays, I think it's a sin for you to play any day!"

"After last week's incident, I'd like to talk about one of the lesser-known Commandments - Thou Shalt Not Heckle."

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

Sinner/Devout.

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

"Yeah, there were lots of flowers, so I had a good feed. It was rather awkward though: it was a funeral..."

"It's amazing how the captures one's true, inner self."

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

'But I thought YOU would be the first to know!'

Gravedigger

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

Christening