Funeral Supporter Gifts

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Gravedigger

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

"So I'm flying over this funeral, and six men point their rifles at me and start shooting."

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

Undertakers Pole

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"Sir, did the piano die?"

Chinese Funerals.

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

Just Buried

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

"They suspect foul play."

Mobile Crem

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

Undertaker awards.

His and Hearse