Funeral Service Fan Gifts

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"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

Gravedigger

Wedding with 'Ex-wives' and 'Ex-husbands' as places to sit.

"I'd like to thank...."

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

Undertakers Pole

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

Chinese Funerals.

"He had himself pierced once too often."

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

Vespers were about to get a lot more interesting.

"But 'Tibetan Sky Burial' sounded so cool."

'But I miss all the funerals we used to go to.'

Mobile Crem

"Nice crowd, but where the f*ck is Phil?"

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

Undertaker awards.

"Wrong line, buddy."

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"

"Morning, Father. I'm the funeral director."

'It was so sudden. No one's had a chance to tell him.'