Funeral Aficionados Gifts

'Mourning!'

Stiff Competition

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Monument in the park for Squirrel Feeder

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

'Tomb of the unkown Scottish goalie.'

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

Dead Batteries

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

Chinese Funerals.

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"Sir, did the piano die?"

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

Undertakers Pole

"I'm actually relieved... his constant 'glass half full, silver lining, isn't life beautiful, rah-rah-sis-boom-bah' cheery optimism was really getting on my nerves."