Funeral Fanatic Gifts

"But 'Tibetan Sky Burial' sounded so cool."

Suddenly, Maude regretted getting the botox injections.

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

Dead Batteries

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

Undertakers Pole

Chinese Funerals.

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

"Sir, did the piano die?"

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

'But I miss all the funerals we used to go to.'

Checkout.

"I'm actually relieved... his constant 'glass half full, silver lining, isn't life beautiful, rah-rah-sis-boom-bah' cheery optimism was really getting on my nerves."

"Nice crowd, but where the f*ck is Phil?"

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