Funeral Fanatic Gifts

"But 'Tibetan Sky Burial' sounded so cool."

Suddenly, Maude regretted getting the botox injections.

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

Dead Batteries

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"Sir, did the piano die?"

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

Chinese Funerals.

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

Undertakers Pole

'It was so sudden. No one's had a chance to tell him.'

"No, no, I did not know him! I'm just practicing!"