Funeral Comedy Fan Gifts

"He brought joy to tens."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Dead Man's Handel

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

Fisherman Funneral

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Bug Funerals

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

O'Leary's Monuments

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'We're not here to mourn, but to celebrate, because frankly, no-one is sorry to see him go...'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'