Funeral Services Aficionado Gifts

Undertakers Pole

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

Bug Funerals

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

Dead Batteries

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"He had himself pierced once too often."

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

Black Widow's husband.

Undertaker awards.