Funeral Services Aficionado Gifts

Undertakers Pole

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Bug Funerals

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

Dead Batteries

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

"He had himself pierced once too often."

Undertaker awards.

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"

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