Funeral Goer Gifts

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Death?

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

Gravedigger

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

Dead Batteries

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

Undertakers Pole

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

'Are you SURE this is what he meant by a 'quiet' funeral?'

"They suspect foul play."

Mobile Crem

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

"And I would life for the family to know that he didn't die in vain. He was delicious."

"Nice crowd, but where the f*ck is Phil?"

Undertaker awards.

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"

'But I miss all the funerals we used to go to.'