Quirky Funeral Goer Gifts

"You're right. He looks like he's just sleeping."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

At the funeral of the amazing Voltar.

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"Thank you, but I don't feel it's necessary for you to play 'Charge' when I invite people to the altar."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

"Norm, the piano tuna is here!"

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Gravedigger

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

"Sorry Judas, we only came up with 29 pieces of silver."

'It's not a slip and it's supposed to be showing.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'