Quirky Funeral Humorist Gifts

Cremation today of Phil Phagash - much loved tobacconist of this parish.

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

The game comes first...

Dead Man's Handel

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

A signaller directing pallbearers

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Bug Funerals

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Fisherman Funneral

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

Death helps with a broken down Hearse

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

O'Leary's Monuments

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."