Funeral Home Humorist Gifts

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to make an appointment. He was a very busy man."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

The game comes first...

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Dead Man's Handel

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

A signaller directing pallbearers

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Bug Funerals

Fisherman Funneral

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'Why is he always hanging around?'