Funeral Service Humorist Gifts

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

The game comes first...

Dead Man's Handel

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Fisherman Funneral

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Bug Funerals

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

O'Leary's Monuments

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."