Funeral Planner Humorist Gifts

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

It was his final wish.

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

Fisherman Funneral

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

O'Leary's Monuments

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

Death helps with a broken down Hearse

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'