Funeral Planner Humorist Pillows

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Fisherman Funneral

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

O'Leary's Monuments

Death helps with a broken down Hearse

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'