Funeral Humorist Pillows

"I'm not climbing down there to fetch your teeth. Serves you right for spitting."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'She told us again and again that those shoes were killing her, but we didn't listen.'

'I believe it's a snuff box.'

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

'He wasn't well-liked. We're having 'If You're Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands' sung at the service.'

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

Car Mechanic Funerals.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Guy comes to a funeral service with a bag of fried chicken.

Man rising from grave - "When do we eat."

'He always had to be the center of attention. You staying for the magic show?'

"Even in life he always had his lawyer present."

'....and remember, you hate doing funerals so don't talk them to death.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

'Dead People carrier'

"He didn't like to go anywhere without his mobile."

'I've got a large pepperoni and onion here, for the late Arnold Godfry...'

'It was my grandmothers dying wish that I wear this to her funeral,her being a lifelong Arsenal supporter..'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"He hated funerals. His last words were, ‘Wake me up when it's over.'"

"Phil was an accomplished professional and all around great guy. At least that's what his Wikipedia page says."

"Bob's going to be sorely missed by us all father. He was well respected in the caravanning community."

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

"Are you into solemn music?"

"As our friend goes to his final reward, may he stink to high Heaven...let us spray..."

"Great funeral!"

"The ringing has stopped, someone's answered it!"

O'Leary's Monuments

"A funeral procession is following us!"