Funeral Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

I was at his side when he passed away. But if the cops ask, say I was with you.

"It was his favorite app."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

"We now pause for a moment of talking."

"Sir, did the piano die?"

"No unfortunately he's alive and well, I'm just practising with self raising flour."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

The game comes first...

Dead Man's Handel

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Fisherman Funneral

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'