Funeral Goer Prints

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Death?

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

Gravedigger

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

Dead Batteries

Undertakers Pole

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

'Are you SURE this is what he meant by a 'quiet' funeral?'

"They suspect foul play."

Mobile Crem

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

'It was so sudden. No one's had a chance to tell him.'

'His pacemaker's lasting longer than he did.'

"Nice crowd, but where the f*ck is Phil?"

'How much to learn enough to dance on someone's grave?'

"And I would life for the family to know that he didn't die in vain. He was delicious."

Undertaker awards.

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"