Funeral Home Visitors Gifts

'He always had to be the center of attention. You staying for the magic show?'

'Next!'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"He didn't do squat for cats."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Reagan on Mt. Rushmore.

The unknown soldier: war grave.

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

"Yeah, there were lots of flowers, so I had a good feed. It was rather awkward though: it was a funeral..."

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

Productivity and Agriculture.

"It's amazing how the captures one's true, inner self."

"We never had a 'last conversation,' but if we had, you’d have lost."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Gravedigger

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

"I'm going to put a fir branch on my husband's grave. He always hated fir branches."

"He had himself pierced once too often."

Undertakers Pole

Justice

'Did he say anything before he died?' 'Only 'Finger-lickin' good.''

"I brought my mother along just to tick you off."

"I can tell you exactly what he was compensating for."

"They suspect foul play."

"He makes it look so damn easy."