Nursing Home Visitor Gifts

Happy Birthday.

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Barbeque Casualty.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'Next!'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Lady Justice.

Hospital.

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'You sounded better yesterday.'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'You're looking well.'

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

"Why, it's Daphne—home from Foxcroft."

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'Hang on a minute - you're not my husband!'

Rabbits: Nature's marshmallow

'The psychiatrist gives you 6 months to live - vicariously through other people.'

"Now when I was a lad..."

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about Lyme disease."

'Kevin, I'm sorry for losing my temper on the eighteenth. Ah I see they removed the flag alright.'

'I'll be with you shortly, just keep worrying.'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

Tourists in church

'Get well soon.'

'I've brought you some fruit.'

"When you see the doctor remember to ask him about my rash."

Baldo, I really got to know you on my recent visit. I want you to come see me someday. Here is $300. Save it for your plane fare. Don't even think about using the money to buy a car."