Visiting Sick People Gifts

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Next!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Hospital Departments

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital.

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

"Will he be okay?"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."