Hospital Visitor Gifts

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Hospital.

'Mercy Business Hospital Office' - 'We accept all major medical plans, credit cards, organs and blood.'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'This isn't what I had in mind when I requested a semi-private room.'

"The flower store was closed. You like rhubarb, right?"

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"I've told you, that's part of the problem, Doctor."

'The psychiatrist gives you 6 months to live - vicariously through other people.'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'When will he be able to litigate again?'

'Get well soon.'

'Kevin, I'm sorry for losing my temper on the eighteenth. Ah I see they removed the flag alright.'

'I've brought you some fruit.'

"When you see the doctor remember to ask him about my rash."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital Departments

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'