Visiting Hospitals Gifts

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital Departments

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.