Hospitals Gifts

'No! This isn't the place to order a blood transfusion!'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'The patient in the next bed is highly infectious. Thank God for these curtains.'

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

'He's our new Blood and Haematology Specialist.'

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

'Is this hospital any good for scarlet fever?'

Please take a number and prepare for and incredibly tedious wait.

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

NHS hospital - all over the place.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

'Would it kill you to ask me how I'm doing?'

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'I like the private room but not the public gown.'

Scary surgery

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Clown baby.

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

'Well, given that you have three broken ribs, laughing is bound to be painful...'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

Patients Chart - Good / Poor / I feel like shit.....

'He'll need some blood thinner immediately, but go grab me a sandwich first.'

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'You're in room 127! -- How many times do I have to tell you?'

'Thanks for telling me you eat too much fat, but it's not that kind of admissions.'