Hospitalizing Gifts

Patient

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Surgery up here is free!"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Balloon drip.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"