Being Hospitalized Gifts

Words of comfort from the trophy wife.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Balloon drip.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.