Hospital Admission Gifts

A 'Good Luck' horseshoe hangs over the hospital operating room

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I'm Dr. Martin. I'll be performing your C-section. These are the anesthesiologists, Dr. Chang and Dr. Deepthi; our nurse practitioners, Ellen, Tabitha, and Jenn; my mother Denise, my brother Todd; my neighbor Hector...."

Hospital admissions: 1st and 2nd opinions.

'Who should we notify in case of an emergency'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Barbeque Casualty.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Balloon drip.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.