Hospital Appointment Gifts

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"Wednesday proctology clinic."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Well, well, well...'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

Hospital Departments

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Hospital.

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"So what brings you in today?"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'