Hospital Appointment Pillows

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"Wednesday proctology clinic."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Well, well, well...'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Being Serenading in Casualty

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

Hospital Departments

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Hospital.

"So what brings you in today?"

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'