Medical Appointment Pillows

'Me? I thought I was paying you to watch my cholesterol!'

'Hey, if you want a great prostate exam, come to Suite 1200.'

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Hair Traffic control.

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"That explains all the cavities."

'Lost Diary'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"Appointments. Disappointments."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Second Opinion

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

Yoga Dentist has sign on wall: 'Open Mouth Insert Foot'

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"