Medical Appointment Pillows

'Me? I thought I was paying you to watch my cholesterol!'

'Hey, if you want a great prostate exam, come to Suite 1200.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Hair Traffic control.

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"That explains all the cavities."

'Lost Diary'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"Appointments. Disappointments."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

"Relax. You might feel a little pinch."

Yoga Dentist has sign on wall: 'Open Mouth Insert Foot'

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

Second Opinion

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'