Doctor's Appointment Gifts

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Doctor tests man's reflexes, wallet comes out.

"I've been waiting here so long I think I'm cured."

"The doctor will be right with me. . ."

Man singing note at doctor.

'If that aquarium is supposed to help me relax, it's not really working.'

"The doctor will see you now Mrs. Levin. Please try not to bother him with your aches and pains!"

'Is this magazine really two years old, or have I just been waiting here that long?'

Taking blood pressure

Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

'I don't like to waste my GPs time so I always try and make sure there's something wrong with me when I see him.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Are you taking a calcium supplement?'

'If I'm tired, the doc says 'go exercise,' but I'm fat,and he doesn't say 'go eat'!'

'Mister Wilcox! Back in the little room! You haven't waited nervous and half naked the required 50 minutes for the doctor to see you.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

"I've seen bad cholesterol before, but yours is the baddest!"

"Now where was I?"

"When I ask 'What is the nature of your complaint?' I am referring to your health, rather than the selection of magazines in the waiting room."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'We've actually figured out your problem. Your warranty expired.'

"Relax. You might feel a little pinch."

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

'Are you there yet?'

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

"My 'check gallbladder ' light came on."

M.D. Of course I keep myself all wound up … Everyone else is busy running me down.

Medical Exam

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"If you were a building, I'd say you suffer from deferred maintenance."