First Doctor Appointment Gifts

"Fill out these 'new patient' forms, but leave 'age' blank, as you may age a year before you're done."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The first one's just a warning."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Relax. You might feel a little pinch."

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Just remember keep your chin up Arthur"