First Doctor's Visit Gifts

"The first one's just a warning."

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

Nethead strip: Visit to the doctors

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

'The needle was THIS big!'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'