First Child Doctor Visit Gifts

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

"So what brings you in today?"

Pediatrics: Anatomy

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

To help emphasize good oral hygeine inkids, Dr. Remford installed a dental floss zipline in his office.

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'