First Doctor Visit Gifts

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Just remember keep your chin up Arthur"

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

To help emphasize good oral hygeine inkids, Dr. Remford installed a dental floss zipline in his office.

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"