Doctor Visit Gifts

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"So what brings you in today?"

"Well, yeah - I am hungry. Dang, it's like you can read my mind."

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

The Children's Hospital

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."