Doctor Visit Gifts

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"So what brings you in today?"

"Well, yeah - I am hungry. Dang, it's like you can read my mind."

"The first one's just a warning."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Barbeque Casualty.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

The Children's Hospital

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."