Doctor Visit Enthusiast Gifts

Taking blood pressure

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Just remember keep your chin up Arthur"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'