Doctor Visit Fan Gifts

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

Leeches, lucky charms, rat catching. The secretary of health is in.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

That rattling sound in your chest doesn't concern me as much as that rattling sound in your head.

Wash, Dry & Spin.

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."

Sling

Taking blood pressure

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'