Doctor-patient Interaction Fan Gifts

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"Try taking baby steps."

You're a sham, Al. In truth, I'm a mere shadow of my former sham, doctor. I was hoping you might help me get back to my old fake self.