Doctor-patient Dynamics Fan Gifts

"I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for."

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"You want a second opinion? Do you have a second illness?''

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

'Termites!'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'The doctor is delayed in the hospital. I'm Lulu, the PA's assistant. How may I help you?'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"

Frog Eating Fly.

'Try not to take offense when he says - 'Of all the hip joints in all the world etc etc.''

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

'How many times do I have to tell you? Go and wash your trunk before dinner!'

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

'Doctor Bohan will see you now, Mrs. Stradley, but he really doesn't want to.'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

"Your father's here. Better stop sucking your thumb."

'So the epithelial cells recovered by the fiberoptic branschoscopy suggests....'

"Reaching for your wallet at the front desk, however, should be no problem!"