Doctor-patient Dynamics Gifts

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'Where does it hurt?'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'The doctor is delayed in the hospital. I'm Lulu, the PA's assistant. How may I help you?'

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"

"He wants to know what's taking me so long."

Dr Dinaram Cardiology: Hurt Feelings and Broken Hearts

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

'This is only a placebo, but trust me, it works!'

'The doctor will see you as soon as he shrugs into his god suit.'

"I told you to take three teaspoons daily of the medication, not the spoons!"

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

'Doctor Bohan will see you now, Mrs. Stradley, but he really doesn't want to.'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

I'm suffering from kleptomania, Doctor. Can I take your temperature?...

"You know, you wanting to get a second opinion is very insulting to my medical degree."

"There's very little of this going around? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"You want a second opinion? Do you have a second illness?''

"I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for."

"Well I've only got next Tuesday at 4.30!"