Doctor-patient Relationships Gifts

"You know, you wanting to get a second opinion is very insulting to my medical degree."

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'Where does it hurt?'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

That rattling sound in your chest doesn't concern me as much as that rattling sound in your head.

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

'No. I said, 'Inhale deeply, and hold your breath.''

"I hope you're not one of those kids who have trouble swallowing pills."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

Your nose is running...which I guessing is more than I can say for your feet.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about Lyme disease."

"He wants to know what's taking me so long."

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."